Kitten food ain't paying for itself!

So I know I sound crazy when I say things like "my kitten won't let me come to work today" and "I think my kittens are trying to sabotage my career" but the thing is, you just need the back story and then it doesn't seem crazy.

Well, not AS crazy.

Here's how I got to the point where I would say those things.

So yesterday I thought I was going to have to call in "kitten". Everdeen has a habit of hanging out on my bed in the morning. We play, have quality time. I usually end up bleeding from somewhere but it's still quality time.

Yesterday, I go to get out of bed and Ev leaps down and begins to attack my feet like a whirling pack of ginsu knives. Wisely, I retreated up onto the bed. End attack. I then went to get up and again the foot attacks began. I retreated. The cycle repeated and I began to suspect he wanted me to just stay home. I managed to make it into work but the woman giving me my pedicures is worried about my health.

Fast forward to this morning. I was allowed to get up but when I went to put my glasses on I found that they were gone. Gone. Vanished. This is a problem.

You see, I can't. See, that is. I am pretty much blind without my glasses. And what do you need to do to find glasses? That's right. See. It's a vicious cycle. I put the damn things in the same spot every night because if I put them somewhere else I usually can't find them.

I have checked everywhere around my glasses spot thinking they may have been knocked off. They are gone. As in, kitten putting it in their mouth and pelting off with it gone. Which makes them hard to find, especially when you can't see.

Thank goodness for contact lenses. Because if I called in kitten it wouldn't go over well. And kitten food isn't paying for itself!

New flavour of cereal on the market

Kellogg's Frosted Kitten Wheats. Doubt it will be a big seller but high in fibre and cuteness.

Cats and curtains

Yes. This is Everdeen. And yes, he is seven feet up and sitting on my curtain rod. I guess climbing is what he likes to do when he isn't watching golf.

If A Tree Falls In The Forest

So. The kittens finally did it when I had a camera close at hand. My loyal tree (duly dubbed "blogfodder") was sent crashing to the ground. It is for this eventuality and this alone that shatterproof ornaments were purchased for said tree.

There are two images included with this post. The first is blogfodder laying, in all of its sad glory, full out on the floor, decorations scattered on the floor like leaves after a whirlwind. You can see Earl looking through the wreckage like a shark sniffing around once blood has been scented in the water. What you CANNOT see, unless you look closely, is Everdeen, buried in the branches, vainly gnawing on the simulated needles.

I think he hates my tree. Poor blogfodder. Never did anything other than stand there and look pretty. But no, even after blogfodder was packed lovingly in its box, the assault and indignities continued. The second image is actually Everdeen GNAWING on the box. Sheesh dude, kick a tree while its down why don't you!?!

Oh God, I hope he grows out of this next year. Please somebody, tell me it gets better!

But should he have used a putter?

The youngest tiny elephant is apparently into watching golf. This has come as a bit of a surprise as our household really doesn't follow sports as a rule.

I guess I should only be worried if he starts offering advice about which clubs to use on any given hole.

Where The Wild Things Are

Who says closets are just for coats and shoes? Everdeen disagrees wholeheartedly. Apparently they are also for lurking which is what wild things do.

Like Bigfoot, wild kittens are notoriously hard to photograph.

They also climb curtains and crap in potted plants. This has not been the most successful of visits where kittens are concerned.

Tiny Elephants= Unstoppable Christmas Fury

It's the first Christmas for the tiny elephants. It has been interesting to say the least. Between their unhealthy interest in imitation trees, their need to chase toes during 3 am bathroom runs and the "miracle" of catnip given at 6 am, this year has been a year of watchfulness, constant alertness and pain. But oh so entertaining.

I have learned that when you shut kittens in a bedroom, all it does is delay the chaos and that 30 seconds after freeing them they will become furry lightning bolts pelting around a room at Mach 8. Not good for that statue of Santa. Or the mug of coffee. Or the food on the table. It's good to know.

Merry Christmas to you and yours. I'd love to let you see a picture of the restrained chaos but I was too busy retrieving a kitten from the tree to take one.